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Where to begin. Well this week has ben mixed. I have alot of feelings im having trouble making sence of. First of all I am relly happy to be moving forward in my life. I am so excited about moving to Key West. On the other hand im REALLY sad to leave my friends. My heart breaks to know i wount be able to wake up to my room mates every day. I know that alot of you dont really understand the plutomic nature of our relationship but when i leave on the seventh, I will be leaving my dearest truest friendsI along with a truely touched pice of my heart. and i know brock and i had some problems but i knew him LONG before cbl and he means ALOT to me. Part of me will always love him. Now I know i will just be six hours a way..well a hour or two by plane but I am reallllly going to miss everyone. So im this ODD mixture of happy and sad.
Ive spent the entire week thinking very carefully about this move and also alot of other things. Ive been doing alot of looking back. Examining the decisions i have made in the past. but mainly i have ben thinking about this move to key west and making sure its wat i really want to do. I have come to the decision that it is what i want and it is a sound decision. I will spend this next week planing and getting everything in order.
lets start my room mate interactions with Zac.
Now i care about zac agreat deal and he is a cool guy. BUT he has these little spouts of immiturity where you would think he was a 12 yearold. he took to attacking me in his dayily happenings which was somewhat suprising and somewhat not. The situation centered on me coming to zac saturday and asking him if I did my chores and sunday cleaning early if i could go surfing on sunday. he said that it was fine as long as we could get everyone together for the meeting at somepoint in the day. Well everyone was gone all day so we wernt able to have the meeting early. when everyone got home, zac was in bed so i asked if everyone was going to be around sunday evening and if anyone had a problem with having the meeting later in the afternoon or later that night. everyone was cool with that EXCEPT zac. now I dont see what the hell the differance is of weather we had the meeting saturday evening or sunday except that zac wanted to be controling. I mean he was the one who suguested that we have the meeting on a different day to begin with. But anyway. HE won, I did the right thing and stayed around sunday as to not cause any problems, and in my opinion it should have been droped. I mentioned how pissed i was because i really wanted to go surfing, so zac puts in his daily happenings that im nothing but a winy little bitch that does nothing but sit on my ass all day. well mabe i dont have a job and yah mabe i do stay home all day, but he is still cashing a paycheck off my "Lazy ass" every month so i dont know what the FUCK he is bitching about. The fact of the matter is that that he does this to all the CBL boys on their way out...im not sure what this accomplishes except makining himself look like an ass but hey...its good for a few laughs. Hopefully he realises how pointless this is and we can still part on "good terms" I think zac ginuinly cares for us all, mabe that is why he tries to push us away or keep us at a distance.
Jonathan is my favorite LA LA. he is doing good at his job and seams to really enjoy working with the horses. Its good to see him enjoying himself with a FUN hobie that pays well. Jonathan and i are close as ever and we will continue to be long after my time at cbl i suspect.
Nick. Nick is making a good transition into the house. I am so glad to have him here. he is a breath of fresh air.and really enjoyable to be around. Nick is as gunuine as they come which is case and point why i pulled so hard to get him in here. He has a great personallity and he is going to go far in life and i believe he will learn alot from his experiance here at cbl.
Rob. I love my pumpkin to death. He has been THE most influential, he is as dear to me as a blood reletive. Rob has been directing the show via email this week and made a trip to gainsville to whip some people into shape. lol. well this week has been hard because we both know that the date has been set and niether of us want to talk about it. I love you pumpkin. you are and will always be a brother to me. You mean more to me than you will ever know.
Jeff. MY baby jeffie. We sooo connect on so many different levels. I was really critical of him in the very beginning. and i cant tell you how wrong i was. Jeff is my little sweetheart and i love him to death. we share alot of things in comon and he will remain dear to my heart. I love you jeff!!
Brock. I know i k now. brock has left. but it just dosnt feel right not mentioning him in my diary. Brock and i will always remain friends. we have had our share of downs, but through it we remain friends. I wish my feelings were different sometimes. All i wanted was for brock to be my one and only for the longest time that is all i wanted. And now that he can do that.......its after i MADE myself sever those feelings for him. I want so badly for him to be happy, but i can not do that. Brock i will always be here for you as a friend and will love you as such for ever!
that does it for my diary this week. Only a few more left guys
OMG i cant believe its been six months already. CBL and its members will be forever imprinted on my life. I have grown and changed so much for the better. I cant thank you all enough.
MAUH
and hugs!
LA LA !