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OK!!! here it is, diary time and i have as always waited till the last minute to do mine. Which sucks cause im reallllllly tired. ok well im going to do this diary different since it has been almost 2 weeks since the last entry and in intrest of saving time i will just go over the major events. The major event was ofcorse my vacation. i had the best time in YEARS. I did alot of reflection and came to alot of decisions about my life. The other reason for this vacation was that i wanted to see if mabe there was something there between Jon Jon and I. I can tell you this. I had a GREAT time with jon jon and despite wnat people say about him, he is just not living up to his reputation for being a manipulator. nothing any of you have said about him has been based on factual information or based on the idea that you know him personally. Who are any of you to judge ANY of us without knowing us personally. I can Honestly say that i could date Jon Jon. SO why dont I? we entered into things purposly not putting any labels on anything. I told him of somthing progresses it will progress but im not going to push anything. Mabe its because i am afraid that everyone is right. That I cant bare to be betrayed again. I think a mojor part of it is because i dont want to "Jump into anything" If there is something between Jon Jon and i relationship wise it will progress over time. I am in no hurry to make myself vonerable to get hurt again. I have also come to the conclusion that i dont NEED to be with someone to be happy. So that is another reason im not rushing into somthing. Emotionally ther is something between jon jon and i and it is great, but my years on this earth have tought me that it takes more than emotions to have a good relationship. and if that is the direction our friendship will take it will do it on its own. he and I arent pushing for it. Key West was AWSOME!!!!! What a beautiful place! I fell in love with it so much I am considering moving there. I have a few contacts down there and could easily get a job and a place to live for relitivly cheap so that is under consideration. The Major decision i made while on vacation is that i dont think i will be renewing my contract here at CBL. I have been thinking about this for a long time. the main reason is that i feel like my life is standing still while im here. I love CBL and I LOVE ZAC AND JONATHAN AND THE REST OF MY ROOMIES LIKE CRAZY, and i will SOOOOO MISS THEM. I will miss CBL all together. the members that i have made my friends will be with me for a long time to come. I have learned so much about myself and life in general while being here this experiance has been verry fulflling. I guess my main reason for not renewing my contract is that its time to move on. I have oppertunities in life that I can not accomplish if I remain here at CBL. BUt DONT GET ALL SAD, I still have a while before my contract is up and we still have quite a bit of time together. And I also plan on leaving on GOOD terms so i will always be back for visits and I will be in chat and Ill be giving you all updates. So, lets enjoy the time we have left together. the rest of the time i have been away has been spent just reflecting on the past six months.
The other major news is Brock leaving CBL. Now I realy have mixed feelings about this. Everyone knows about our past together. my delema is that while I care alot for brock and I will miss him alot, it took me soooo much disconecting of my emotions for him so I could peacefully live under the same roof, its just kind of strange. part of me is honestly relieved. but a HUGE part of me knows how much I will miss him in my everyday life. Looking back on everything, I can honestly say that while it was not the greatest idea to move in but i dont regret anything. I learned alot. I have whitnessed brock change recently hugely in the way that I wanted him to change while he and I were still together. It was the hardest thing to tell him that it was too late, but only cause I knew it hurt him so much. I Know the changes he has made will make him a happier person and i hope he finds that he can be with exclusivly like he wants. i think brock has made alot of positive changes. There is no question HE WILL BE MISSED. But brock and I will remain friends long after cbl. I think we learned alot from eachother and will continue to do so. Brock, good luck to you babe and Ill see ya on the outs!
Nick has made his entry into the house. I honestly feel kind of bad for him. I know this is going to piss off people but i feel like im the only person in the house that has not treated him like a sex object. Its not cause im not attracted to him because Nick is fucking beautiful. and not in a bad way but nick's personallity and mental mindset intrests me more than his body. He is almost innocent and nieve and its a little scary how trusting he is. I dont know i just feel protective over him for some reason. LOL I think CBL is a good place to learn about yourself and alot about life, i just hope he dosnt get sucked into the classic CBL trap like so many do including myself. but I think he will make a GREAT CBL boy and he will have alot of fun here and that is what it is all about. Welcome to the house nick!!! huggs!
Rob has been rob. he seams alot more relaxed now since the show ended last week. I missed him alot on my vacation and was really glad to see him. Ive missed our rob and david time and hope to have some more.
Jeff is Jeff!!! I really missed him. it was so good to see him again. I hope to hang out with him alot this week.
Zac and jonathan are kinda hard to read these days. Im not quite sure what to expect from them. they are both so tence lately. Me and jonathan dont talk like we used to and its kina strange. but i love my little LA LA. I have been trying to talk both of them on taking like a three day vacation from CBL. they need one.
Other than that it is GREAT to be home and i had a really good time on vacation and i cant wait to go back to key west. I was truely happy there.
You all have a great week and i look forword to your emails and chatting with you. Email me at david@collegeboyslive.com and HAVE A GREAT WEEK.