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Ok, So once again I???m going to change the format in which I write my diaries. I want to try something different. It seams that most diaries are a compilation of daily happenings all rolled into one. I was always under the impression that a diary is to hold your deepest thoughts and feelings. I generally try to keep my diary general and ???easy to read??? well, sometimes that gets in the way and distorts the continuity of random thoughts and expressions of emotions I believe that the purpose of keeping a diary is to help someone organize their thoughts and emotions??? ???Getting it all down on paper??? tends to help a lot of people think, speak and act more clearly



I am finding life very interesting at the present moment. It???s amazing how balance and karma are SO present in EVERYTHING and EVERY situation. I am finding life???s little paradoxes almost amusing but mostly frustrating. Currently being caught up in a few paradoxes at one time, I realize this is the reason for my odd moods and ???different??? behavior. The problem is I keep feeding back into the paradox, which causes it to get larger. Not till recently did I realize that ALL week long I have been trying to figure out what I am realizing now and I have been choosing a course of action that just perpetuates the loop. Normally I have these epiphanies when I am meditating. I am able to view my life and surroundings in a separated frame of mind. It is amazing how clear you can see things if you just remove yourself from it, which is why I think I will be doing a lot more meditating. It is odd. Meditation and some other spiritual activities were such a HUGE part of my life before I moved into CBL and for some reason I have totally abandoned my practices. I think part of it was my dating someone who is heavily of the Christian persuasion and was a little frightened of the meditating, candles, and incense. I think he thought I was going to sacrifice a cat or something. LOL. For whatever reason it was abandoned it is time I get back into the swing of things.



I have also noticed that I am far to ready to get involved in things that really don???t concern me and I expend a great deal of energy worrying about things I can not effect or change. So it will be a conscious effort on my part this week to avoid that.

There is a lot of work to be done, improving my situation and myself will take an awful lot of energy, so the less energy I waste on things that I have no control over, the better.

It???s amazing when (metaphorically) ???The fog clears??? and you wonder what the hell you were thinking all this time???it seams so simple.



To be totally honest with you all I have been so wrapped up and enveloped in my own emotions and ???Funk??? this week to really notice much that is going on in the house. There have been a few grumbling along the way???a few battles I chose to fight that would have been better left ignored. So instead of rehashing these insignificant things I'm going to let it go. Tomorrow is the start of a new week.

Here is a new section I???m adding to each week???s written diary. They are going to be little things that I need to constantly remind myself of. It is all my philosophy but we all seam to forget our own best advice when it comes to applying it to our own lives so here is some philosophy for this week.



You are all you need to survive. No one person can make you happy besides yourself. Other people can enhance happiness but true happiness comes from within, from being happy with yourself, from loving yourself.



On that note I???m going to leave it at that. I know this diary is a little different, but who ever said we had to be predictable.

Have a great week and think positive.